On New Years Resolutions and the Meaning of Prayer
It is that time of year when many of us resolve to (re)commit ourselves to praying every day. Whether you’re preparing for the new year, or thinking about Lent, now is a good time to remember what place prayer should have in our lives as Christians.
Christian Prayer and Becoming Your “Best Self”
The place of prayer in my life began to shift a few years ago. And the shift was prompted by the disruption of sleep.
One of my children did not sleep for more than 1-4 hours at a time for the first year of their life, and so, neither did my husband, Nick, and I. The physical experience of sleep loss was one thing; the distress experienced by the fact that Nick and I were losing so much sleep was another. That distress was bound up, in part, with what I imagined a good, fulfilling Christian life to be. Consistent sleep — alongside healthy eating, regular exercise, time with loved ones, frequent reading, weekly mass attendance, and praying daily — was integral to that image. These practices were oriented toward becoming a purposeful, self-sufficient, healthy, and productive person. Or, as I would have called it at that time: the best version of myself. I believed that getting good sleep was an essential part of living a fulfilling life. Losing sleep, then, meant my access to such a life was inhibited. Throughout that year, I remember praying to God to let the baby sleep. How could I achieve the dreams I believed God had given me without sleep?
That vision of the Christian life — as purposeful, productive, healthy, and self-sufficient — is one that you can often find in the free resource stand at the back of a Catholic parish. One author has described prayer as a “chance to become intimately familiar with the better person we know we can be.” (1) Under these pretenses, prayer is a way of visualizing who we hope to be. It is a time to voice our hopes and dreams for our lives before God. In this way of approaching prayer, God is like my life coach, who empowers me to achieve my dreams — whether that be driving a convertible, cycling down a volcano, finding my ideal spouse, living by the beach, or growing in virtue. (2) Prayer, according to this line of logic, helps me become my best self.
Christians do believe that time spent with God transforms us into our “best selves.” But, for the follower of Christ, becoming your best self is not per se the goal of prayer. Prayer is not a means of self-help. If prayer is not about realizing our dreams and becoming our best selves, then what is it?
Time spent speaking and listening to God is not one key ingredient to living the good life, but, for the Christian, the goal of life itself. Think of it this way: if we spend time with loved ones to use them to achieve dreams of a happy life – to feel adored or to see them as a trophy – it would be detrimental to those relationships. We (should) spend time with loved ones because we want to be with them. Prayer is similar; we shouldn’t treat time with God as time to visualize our best self and vocalize dreams (dreams that may, in fact, be questionable). Time spent with the Triune God revealed in the person of Jesus Christ is time to simply be with him – to love him, to learn from him, to become like him.
Attuning Our Dreams to God’s Dreams
Prayer, for the Christian then, is time spent attuning our dreams and desires to the dreams, hopes, and desires of God. This does not mean our dreams and desires should be repressed, or will be obliterated by God; rather, it means that we should not hold on so tightly to them, and practice instead an openness to having those dreams and desires purified and shaped by the Triune God.
If our dreams and desires are to be drawn into those of Christ, then what are they? What does the Triune God hope and desire for our lives? They are expressed in the prayer of Jesus preceding his Passion:
I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me. (Jn 17:20-21)
Christ prayed for us to be one with him, as he is one with the Father. And in him, we find unity with one another. Rather than the good life being realized through self-sufficiency, health, purpose, and productivity, the good life in Christ is realized through being for others — through self-giving love. This of course does not mean that self-sufficiency, health, and productivity have no place in the Christian life. It just means that those values are not ends in and of themselves, but are ordered toward love of God and love of neighbor.
Beyond Personal Application: Immersing Myself in God’s Self
If prayer should be more than an account of my life and figuring out my dreams, how do I treat prayer as a way to be with God? A well-ordered prayer should center on who God has revealed himself to be to us. Incorporation of Scripture — through praying with the daily readings or the Liturgy of the Hours — can be a great way to come to know and love God.
It would do us well, however, to avoid only focusing on how Scripture applies to our day-to-day lives. The question How is this relevant to me? should not be discarded, but placed alongside these questions: how has God revealed himself to humanity? Who is Jesus? Who is the Church? As the philosopher Alasdair MacIntyre wrote in his text After Virtue: “I can only answer the question ‘What am I to do? ' if I can answer the prior question ‘Of what story or stories do I find myself a part?’” Prayer, then, is an awakening to the story to which God has invited us.
And awakening to that story is not just a history lesson, but a living reality that we enter into at the celebration of the Mass. Here, prayer finds its realization and renewal. It is at Mass that we see, hear, and taste God’s loving response to our prayers, as he speaks to us through the liturgy and dwells with you and me in the Eucharist. In the Eucharist, we receive him who gave himself to us as our nourishment. We become one with him, as he is one with the Father – the answer to Christ’s prayer! And those who are not Catholic or who are unable to receive the Eucharist are not excluded from this reality either. For, all who love Christ and live in his love share, in spirit, in the Eucharist, too.
And if you want your prayer to be efficacious — if you want to live in communion with Christ — let it lead to the love of your neighbor. And not just the neighbor who is easy to love, but the neighbor who is a criminal, who is a stranger, who is that obnoxious person you can’t stand, or who is that adorable baby who does not seem to like sleep!
Possible Resolutions
I still pray that God will let our kids sleep through the night. It’s easier to love well when I have had a good night of sleep. That love, however, is strengthened and fortified on those nights when I lose sleep. I now understand that loss of sleep no longer excludes me from the good life, but is an exercise training me in the way of Christ’s love — in that Life which is most fulfilling.
So, if the love of God — and not productivity, health, purposefulness, and self-sufficiency — is the goal of human life, then we should order our lives around it! As we find ourselves at the cusp of the new year and another Lenten season, here are some ideas for resolutions.
Instead of reading a new book every month, maybe just read one — Confessions by Saint Augustine or the Gospel of John. And then read it over and over again. Sign up for a weekly 3 AM adoration slot. Go to confession frequently and restore yourself to the love of God. Read the Bible and try to understand its story, rather than treating it like a self-help guide. Practice the Corporal Works of Mercy. Watch your friend’s newborn, so he or she can rest. Fast for the end of war and violence, in the world and in your heart. Make a healthy meal for a nearby homeless shelter. Care for local refugees. Give alms (to these sisters)! Light a candle for your parents. Smile at strangers.
Live in such a way that attests to the existence of the Triune God of love and the divinely bestowed dignity of every person. Let your life become a Eucharistic prayer.
(1) The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion & Purpose, Matthew Kelly, 188.
(2) The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion & Purpose, Matthew Kelly, 32.
